this week i

insist on tyrannosauruses rex if you insist on attorneys general.  horsebeach, md windier than blossom kite festival.  start & end quotes assunta's two


we don't put anise in our pizzelles, we put vanilla in our pizzelles

everybody said, "your nephew is so handsome" and i said, "that's because he looks like me"
 
oh lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?
i'm counting on you lord, please don't let me down
prove that you love me, and buy the next round
oh lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?
everybody!
 
this was your idea
no, no, no, i wanted to do this for two nights
 
 
they've been dating for a few months.  not while he was reporting to her
 
ugh he's incredible without trying
 
 

your life is a vacation

 



4/10

this week i

overnighted with descendents of liberation fighters against hereditary parliamentarians.  classroom view from whitney balcony & two edward hoppers (self, soir bleu), then house finch, five new yorkers, two reporters, one attendee asked me, "why are you doing this?"  an excuse to visit north jersey, i said in my head.  "this isn't new jersey transit," amtrak conductor scolded passenger who had boarded the wrong train thus trapped till philadelphia





 

 
 read cuba by alberto korda.  bronx zoo

 the victory of the revolutionaries, the barbudos (bearded ones) who came down from the mountains to take over the cities
 

 in 1959, americans in cuba controlled 75 percent of commercial transactions and owned 90 percent of mines and telecommunications
 
they even tried to poison the mouthpiece of his snorkel
 
 
soviet navy vessels escorted by submarines came into contact with warships of the us navy.  china had just attacked india in the himalayas.  was this the start of world war iii?
 
  
 
 
the russians hadn't thrown such a party for anyone since the first cosmonaut yuri gagarin returned to earth
 
 

 

4/3

this week i

visited rosemarie, same age as disney's snow white, the pope, and the national mah jongg league.  she dreamt with frank of the five wives she could not find way back across field of upturned earth after open house tour, realty search.  construction site worker gave directions & then she woke up.  she never has her cell phone when she needs it.  in south jersey, they're putting skittles in the water ice, leaf-blowing away golf course rain puddles

attended john wanamaker grand court organ, seven at survey stats seminar.  quango: the world is his haunted house business cards.  not a pizza oven
 
 
 
 



read treasure island by robert louis stevenson

 the sort of man that made england terrible at sea

his wandering, guilty, and hunted life

"i wish i had put his eyes out!" cried the blind man

i'm to be a poor, crawling beggar, sponging for rum, when i might be rolling in a coach!  if you had the pluck of a weevil in a biscuit you would catch them still

hungry as a hawk

for what would they risk their rascal carcases but money?

mutiny, it was plain, hung over us like a thunder-cloud

the hispaniola still lay where she had anchored; but, sure enough, there was the jolly roger - the black flag of piracy - flying from her peak

a sound in their voices which suggested rum

captain smollett made no change in his arrangements.  if the mutineers succeeded in crossing the stockade, he argued, they would take possession of any unprotected loophole, and shoot us down like rats

my only plan was to take french leave

"one more step, mr. hands," said i, "and i'll blow your brains out!  dead men don't bite, you know"

shiver my timbers

"very pretty wrote, to be sure; like print, i swear.  your hand o' write, george?  why, you was gettin' quite a leadin' man in this here crew.  you'll be cap'n next, i shouldn't wonder.  just oblige me with that torch again, will you?  this pipe don't draw"

"we'll all swing and sun-dry for your bungling"

the thought of the money, as they drew nearer, swallowed up their previous terrors.  their eyes burned in their heads; their feet grew speedier and lighter; their whole soul was bound up in that fortune, that whole lifetime of extravagance and pleasure, that lay waiting there for each of them

he hoped to seize upon the treasure, find and board the hispaniola under cover of night, cut every honest throat about that island, and sail away as he had first intended, laden with crimes and riches

"so you've changed sides again"

great heaps of coin and quadrilaterals built of bars of gold

3/27

this week i

hydrate after vaccination.  happy ides of march, astronomical spring.  noah webster opened a book of blank pages, bold penned aardvark at the top left of the first one, and then everything else fell into place.  ok so separate from my longstanding contention that rembrandt's the first recognizable human face in recorded history (metric: transported to any age of his life, i could distinguish him from a brother, i've seen enough of his selfies, from every angle, throughout his existence, i'd conversationally assert that i know what rembrandt looks like, and he's the earliest person in time with that distinction), ok so separate from that, i think albrecht dürer's first, last, only person in history who can draw hands.  suddenly smiles all around :) ü (:

experiment with similies.  happy whatever outcome like dune surfing faceplanting lifting our heads out of the sand still smiling.  confusion and consequence like skydiving t-rex failing to deploy parachute because teensy weensy arms seconds later impact fireball ushers in the rise of mammals
 
continue first egg-laying mammals then marsupial pouch mammals then south america, australia break off from the other landmasses then placental mammals evolve on the north america africa eurasia landmass then north america africa eurasia landmass marsupial mammals go extinct then north america crashes into south america then tropical-adapted central american placental mammals flood south across mostly-tropical south america, most (not all) south american marsupials go extinct.  in the opposite direction: the virginia opossum, north america's only marsupial since pangaea

drew toggle frog prince (kiss, kiss, record scratch)
 


 

read..

(1) how steinbeck's adam trask went bankrupt

 vast and wintry logistics

with french doors, a design launched in 2001 and known in france as the 'refrigerateur americain'

 

(2) penalty kicks of chess championships: rapidplay to decide tournament winners

 a game built on infinities

the players must reach forty moves within the two hours on their clocks, at which point they are awarded another thirty minutes, with thirty-second increments per move

in 2013, a blindfolded carlsen took on ten harvard-educated lawyers (and amateur chess players) simultaneously, shouting out his moves, holding all ten boards with their evolving stories of 32 pieces in his head.  he won all ten games

such experiences become autotelic, as the boundaries between self and activity fade


(3) gregor samsa, a traveling salesman with a different problem


(4) and you know that notion just crossed my mind

however, that jones managed to avert a potentially disastrous crash through his exceptional skill at slowing the engine and saving the lives of the passengers at the cost of his own

a devoted family man and teetotaler

he was so punctual, it was said that people set their watches by him

he raced to the tip of the pilot (cowcatcher) and braced himself on it, reaching out as far as he could to pull the frightened but unharmed girl from the rails.  the event was partially spoofed in the brave engineer, in which the hero rescued a damsel from a cliche bandit

old girl's got her dancing slippers on tonight

his watch stopped at the time of impact, 3:52 a.m.

there are no clearly authentic photographs of the famous wreck in existence

as his engine is badly in disrepair he crashes from a bridge, dies and goes to heaven.  there st. peter wants him to break a strike of celestial musicians 


(5) offline large language models and hackernews thread

local llms are the only future worth living in

the biggest benefits for me are the uncensored models.  i'm pretty kinky so the regular models tend to shut me out way too much, they all enforce this prudish victorian mentality that seems to be prevalent in the us but not where i live.  censored models are just unusable to me which includes all the hosted models.  it's just so annoying.  and of course privacy

i've always talked out loud through problems anyway, throw a bt earbud on and you'll look slightly less deranged

learning to use these speech-to-text systems will be a new kind of literacy

as a daily user of all the latest openai/claude models for the last few years, i'm amazed at how good llama3.1 is - all running locally, privately, with zero connection to the web.  how did i not know about this?!

local llms are the future, it's like having your own private google running locally

come join us on reddit's /r/localllama.  great community for local llms

you can get diverse low quality data from the web, but for diverse high quality data the organic content is exhausted.  the only way is to generate it, and you can maintain a good distribution by structured randomness.  for example just sample 5 random words from the dictionary and ask the model to compose a piece of text from them.  it will be more diverse than web text

and then when it comes time for the test, i end up hallucinating answers too

you missed the part where this is slow as hell

lightning in a bottle

i'm not sure why anybody would respect that licence term, given the whole field rests on the rapacious misappropriation of other people's intellectual property

oh damn guess i am so uninformed 

 

(6) caravaggio has never been more universally loved than he is today

the scowling pilate, caught in the coils of roman law, leans over the parapet of his palace, visibly racked by doubt, the tousled hair peeking out from his velvet cap suggesting an official so confused he can no longer bother with his personal appearance

we, caught in the position of the crowd gathered beneath the governor's window, are the ones who are called upon to shout either "crucify him!" or "let him go!" - not the jews, not the romans, no one but ourselves

 

(7) pop-up private schools created to capture the government money

in new orleans in 1960 when six-year-old ruby bridges enrolled at the william frantz elementary school..each day ruby withstood the screaming of angry white parents at the schoolhouse doors

the term "school choice" was so closely associated with resistance to the brown decision

 

(8) the person whose mind is being fracked

the most reliable way to draw someone in, even if the content on offer doesn't particularly appeal to them, is by creating the impression that other people are talking about them

they can simply throw a million little interruptions at us, track which ones grab our attention, and then repeat those

we overestimate the value of information and underestimate the value of attention

 

(9) how the leopard got his spots and other just so stories by rudyard kipling

he baked it and he baked it till it was all done brown and smelt most sentimental.  but just as he was going to eat it there came down to the beach from the altogether uninhabited interior one rhinoceros with a horn on his nose, two piggy eyes, and few manners

'for goodness' sake,' said the leopard at tea-time, 'let us wait till it gets dark.  this day-light hunting is a perfect scandal'

and the little girl-daughter said, 'he was round and he was flat; and his eyes grew upon stalks; and he walked sideways like this; and he was covered with strong armour upon his back'

these nine hundred and ninety-nine queens who vex me

slay me with mirth 


3/20

this week i

hiked bootlegger's trail gf va.  ruffles made sure matthew and i didn't lose one another.  n.h.i.e. met a cargo pants i didn't like.  tadpole sentinels:
 


read congo by michael crichton

for bob gottlieb

something struck him lightly in the chest.  at first he thought it was an insect but, glancing down at his khaki shirt, he saw a spot of red, and a fleshy bit of red fruit rolled down his shirt to the muddy ground.  the damned monkeys were throwing berries.  he bent over to pick it up.  and then he realized that it was not a piece of fruit at all.  it was a human eyeball, crushed and slippery in his fingers, pinkish white with a shred of white optic nerve still attached at the back

 elliot's publications were modest and temperate; his progress with amy was well documented; he showed no interest in publicity, and was not among those researchers who took their apes on the carson or the griffin show

within ten years, there will be a custody case involving a language-using primate, and the ape will be in the witness-box

the congo was not navigable beyond the first set of rapids, two hundred miles inland (at what was once leopoldville, and is now kinshasa)

amy squatted by the mirror, happily making a mess of her face.  she grinned at her smart image, then applied lipstick to her teeth

the rain forests of the world had traditionally frustrated remote-sensing technology

 in the developing field of pattern-recognition computer programs, so-called B-8 problems were the most difficult; whole teams of researchers had devoted years to trying to teach computers the difference between "B" and "8" - precisely because the difference was so obvious

"something happens to the man who discovers a new species of animal," wrote lady elizabeth forstmann in 1879..sir antony forstmann died of gambling debts and syphilis in 1880

the apprenticeship of young ben franklin, printer, was not so different from the apprenticeship of young chimpanzee, termite fisher

bent over their equipment, talking quietly and in general behaving as if they had all the time in the world

without photographs, videotapes, sound recordings, or the skeleton of a gray gorilla

 

3/13

this week i

watched friday jeopardy 2024 06 28, 7 day champ drew vs. andrew & cat, cat ftw.  mais avant d'en dire plus, mon week-end en quatre photos




drew: internet celebrities $2,000
ken: in 2021 a statue of this late gorilla appeared opposite wall street's charging bull statue.  andrew!
andrew: whooo issss ...... [sighs and exhales in frustration]
ken: oh how soon we forget.  drew!
drew: who is harambe?

ken: that's right, and the last clue in internet celebrities: forbes said the memes featuring this feline are full of "existential angst" & "nihlism" andrew!
andrew: who is grumpy cat
ken: grumpy cat is correct! cat are you grumpy you didn't get that one?


'm ripping up basil and couldn't be happier.  tilapia tastes like empty set, a protein canvass.  all vores wonder which links in food chain max delicious?


read buddenbrooks by thomas mann

"that's right, tilda.  work and pray.  tony ought to take a pattern from you; she's far too likely to be saucy and idle"

a tiny house in an alley off john street, where there lived an old woman who did a tiny trade in worsted dolls; they would ring the bell and, when the old dame appeared, inquire with deceptive courtesy, if herr and frau spittoon were at home - and then run away screaming with laughter.  all these ragamuffinly tricks tony buddenbrook was guilty of

such a wooing as this she had never imagined

"i'll tell you something: i've a skeleton in my room at gottingen - a whole set of bones, you know, held together by wire.  i've put an old policeman's uniform on it.  ha, ha!  isn't that great?  but don't say anything to my father about it"

she did not answer, she did not look at him, but moved nearer to him on the sand-heap, and morten kissed her slowly and solemnly on the mouth.  then they stared in different directions across the sand, and both felt furiously embarrassed

with two steps he was at the door, tore it open, and shouted down the corridor in a voice that would have outroared the wildest seas

his wart was powdered

"what do these men want?  a lot of uneducated rowdies who see a chance for a bit of a scrimmage"

"you would do well, sir, to leave the good name of my house to me.  i do not need to throw my money in the nearest ditch in order to show how good my credit is"

lord, fling thy cur a bone
of righteousness to chew
and take my carcass home
to heaven and to you

the dowry, which was whispered into my ear that first evening, contributed to my feeling.  i love her: but it crowns my happiness and pride to think that when she becomes mine, our firm will at the same time gain a very considerable increase of capital

clara's gaze is dark and solemn and severe, and she sometimes lifts her hand to a head that always seems to ache.  but they have brought a splendid present to the buddenbrooks: a huge brown bear stuffed in a standing position.  a relative of the pastor's shot him somewhere in the heart of russia, and now he stands below in the vestibule with a card-tray between his paws

she leaned over and began to count the prune-pits on her brother's dessert-plate: tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor - finishing triumphantly with "senator" when she came to the last 

 "if it is really tuberculosis, one may as well give up hope"

and thus began tony buddenbrook's third marriage

punctuated by the silly tootling of the piccolo

 he had composed a melody which was just the same read forward or backward, and based upon it a fugue which was to be played "crab-fashion"

"that's enough, tony," the senator said softly.  "please don't put such ideas into the child's head"

all his contemporaries were either scrofulous or full of "evil humours"

the story of johnny thunderstorm, "those fellows drank swedish punch just like water"

christian came back to his brother's character and cited examples of thomas's egotism - painful anecdotes out of the distant past, which he, christian, had never forgotten, but carried about with him to feed his bitterness.  and the senator retorted with scorn and with threats which he regretted a moment later.  gerda leaned her head on her hand and watched them, with an expression in her eyes impossible to read.  frau permaneder repeated over and over again, in her despair: "and mother lying there in the next room!"

they went through the suite of rooms into the hall, singing in a subdued way the first stanza of "o evergreen"

"no one may go in.  papa is making his will"

"sit down!  one moment!"  shrieked the voice of an old woman.  it was josephus, who sat in his shining cage at the end of the room and regarded him sidewise out of his venomous little eyes

a volume of edgar allan poe's tales inside his bible


3/6

this week i

realized scarlet begonias missed inclusion in deadicated by one year.  that bush chirping with other birds so this must be a hungry hungry hawk-o
 

consider self early interneteer, matthew considers me candide. joe "i hate being unconscious" frigiola, anthony "my friend who likes vinegar" damico.  crossing thirtieth street, streetlight lamppost base cover wide open, circuitry exposed: laura extended finger toward it like mike's adam, said zzzzap

what is ruffles doing
Disregarding authority
hahahahahahah
that's a doggaroni for you
 



 

eight a seven thirty thali.  hungry crowd outside library sunday 1pm open.  3pm cafezza does anyone else recognize that patron is lisa, do they say it aarhus as in the middle of the street i wondered, wonder.  these people, who lived and died, never cease to amaze.  do i pass reverse rorschach test?


spoke to by will's count forty five, dc data rated me higher than the pre-lecture meal.  i learned so much and he's turned on my brain to start asking more questions about the quality and variables in datasets  other receipts: one gif cat with detective's hat, smoking a cigarette, looking concerned directly into the camera; one irl cinnamon lazing in the darkness of the miscellaneous linens closet, also looking concerned directly into the camera

2/27

this week i

train for the ai models since 1982.  past 25% of my forties, the actuarial tables come for us all.  delayed self-portrait, anna grassi stoic but attuned

 

 

2/20

this week i

lectured in enoch pratt's poe room, seven sign-ups, seven attendees.  i contrasted with prior twenty sign-ups, zero attendees to explain the variance

installed blackout blinds.  your best attempt also works, the last letter of my first name behaves as vowel not consonant iiuc.  one more triptych svp


listened to the chinese folk music ensemble's dance of the golden snake, <1/12th of crowd volunteered born this cycle.  newly intangible heritage
 


 

 

read the body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma by bessel van der kolk

pockmarked with the impacts of their fists on the drywall

chronic vigilance for and sensitivity to threat

the patients spoke of being sexually abused as children.  this was puzzling, as the standard textbook of psychiatry at the time stated that incest was extremely rare in the united states, occurring about once in every million women.  given that there were only about one hundred million women living in the united states, i wondered how forty seven, almost half of them, had found their way to my office in the basement of the hospital

the greatest sources of our suffering are the lies well tell ourselves

the first chief resident in psychopharmacology

most treatment studies of ptsd find a significant placebo effect

you observe a lot by watching -yogi berra

the earlier technology of measuring brain chemicals like serotonin or norepinephrine had enabled scientists to look at what fueled neural activity, which is a bit like trying to understand a car's engine by studying gasoline.  neuroimaging made it possible to see inside the engine

trauma is preverbal

most survivors..come up with..their "cover story"..some explanation for their symptoms and behavior for public consumption

life is about rhythm.  we vibrate, our hearts are pumping blood.  we are a rhythm machine, that's what we are. -mickey hart

in my experience, patients who cut themselves or pick at their skin..are seldom suicidal but are trying to make themselves feel better in the only way they know how

penguins are stoic

the periadqueductal gray, which generates startle

as we enter the world, we scream to announce our presence

in the warp and woof of our brain circuitry

to this day, after twenty years and four subsequent revisions, the dsm and the entire system based on it fail victims of child abuse and neglect - just as they ignored the plight of veterans before ptsd was introduced back in 1980

the gravest and most costly public health issue in the united states: child abuse

children who develop in the context of ongoing danger, maltreatment and disrupted caregiving systems are being ill served by the current diagnostic systems..an average of 3-8 co-morbid disorders.  the continued practice of applying multiple distinct co-morbid diagnoses to traumatized children has grave consequences: it defies parsimony

seventy percent of prisoners in california spent time in foster care

all soldiers with psychiatric problems were to be given a single diagnosis of "nydn" (not yet diagnosed, nervous).  in november 1917 the general staff denied charles samuel myers, who ran four field hospitals for wounded soldiers, permission to submit a paper on shell shock to the british medical journal

ten weeks of yoga practice markedly reduced the ptsd symptoms of patients who had failed to respond to any medication or to any other treatment

our attachment bonds are our greatest protection against threat..studies conducted during world war ii in england showed that children who lived in london during the blitz and were sent away to the countryside for protection against german bombing raids fared much worse than children who remained with their parents and endured nights in bomb shelters and frightening images of destroyed buildings and dead people

the object of writing is to write to yourself

chronic childhood abuse causes very different mental and biological adaptations than discrete traumatic events in adulthood

my stern calvinistic parents

 most grown-ups who were brutalized as children carry a smoldering rage

to this day the major services of the u.s. military spend liberally on their marching bands

the essence of trauma is feeling godforsaken, cut off from the human race

 

2/13

this week i

present did you just text that to a random person and other pennsylvania polkas at the south philly chapter of the whistle pig appreciation society.  what's your favorite movie to watch on groundhog day eve?  mine's groundhog day  10k years for bill murray, party hosts only re-played film thrice.  how deep does this rodent borough go?  do they celebrate groundhog day eve in dc?  zipping up floppy groundhog onesie: everyone looks good in it  laura baked dirt cake, ben mc'd frank yankovic & renn miked two times too  in heaven there is no beer / that's why we drink it here...la la la la la la

 
lady and the tramp triptych
warhol triptych
the trolley problem
three raccoons in a trenchcoat
self-portrait with the bust of minerva by angelica kauffman
michelangelo carving david
the mask (1994)
teenage mutant ninja turtles all the way down










2/6